a soul-scrubbing good time

This past weekend, we had the chance to spend a weekend attending an Encounter God retreat. Due to our circumstances in Kuwait, we couldn't "get away" for the weekend, but instead went back and forth between our apartment and the retreat centre.

Some people have described the weekend as a time to scrub your heart with a brillo pad. Taking away all the dead stuff and washing it clean. It was hard and full of complete honesty, but it was also full of joy, victory and freedom.

No, I don't think that I encountered God at the weekend, in the way that it seems to be advertised. But it gave me tools which I can use to spend better time with Him in His Word every day, learning to rely entirely on Him, to live life one day at a time, allowing His Holy Spirit complete control of my heart. This weekend reminded me of His precious gift of the cross and what that really means. The freedom, the victory, the power we have through Jesus is mind-blowing and Spirit-filling.
Read and meditate on Ephesians, especially chapters 1 and 3. It's big stuff.

God is big stuff. And He loves you (this I know).
For the Bible tells me so.

Romans 5:5
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

<3

amen.

pictures of the week

The students made crazy hats in Art 1. This one was made in only 2 classes. Pretty creative for no time at all!

A hug across the world. This makes the distance seem a WHOLE lot less!

Melissa doing my hair. 3ajeeb!

It's time to organize my notes! The carpet was the best gift ever.

1 more day of classes.

HALLELUJAH!!!

pictures from Failaka Island

It's a few minutes past my (desired) bedtime. The morning comes quickly, always faster than I'd like. Although I can't complain because when my alarm goes off at 5am, the sun is already up. It makes waking up a whole lot easier! I just ignore the clock, or pretend that those numbers are lying. For some reason, it's like this country is in another world. I would never imagine waking up so early in Canada, and yet here it's just so natural.

...and yet so unnatural, at the same time.

We have 3 days left of classes. It makes me dance inside every time I think of it. I could practically burst with excitement and relief. It's hard to believe that the year is nearly finished. It feels like it was just January! Where does the time go?

We are more than ready for this year to be over. But it's bitter sweet.
We're saying goodbye to many great students and one very dear friend.
That's the problem with living overseas.
Like living in an airport, people rarely stay for long unless they're called to a job with the planes.

And part of me really wants to work with the planes.

it's that time of year again!

It's election time in Kuwait!

Jamal thinks he's going to get a good view of the proceedings on Sunday.
Front row seats, hanging out with his friends.

He'll get a front row seat, alright.
On everyone's plates?

what scares me?

So I recently completed a "How well do you know Katie" quiz on Facebook. Yes, it's a little silly and trivial, but it's funny to see the answers. They are all hard questions and so far no one has managed to get higher than 60%.

Some are knowledge questions from my childhood, some are more inferential, some you would only know if you have known me well for the past 2 years, and apparently, some of them only I know!

But the question that shocked me the most - both in writing it and in seeing other peoples' answers, is the second last question:

9) What am I scared of?
a) The future
b) Being alone
c) The gook at the bottom of the sink
d) The dark
e) Flying

Well, if you know me at all, then you can automatically scratch (e) off the list. I LOVE flying. From the bottom of my heart to the colours of my spirit - flying is fun.

A while ago, (c) would have been another answer. But not any longer. In fact, I enjoy grossing out my students as I dig the gook out from the drain in the sink. It's funny to see their reaction.

I am no longer afraid of the future (a). If there's one thing that God has made crystal clear to me over the past 5 years, it's that He's got it all under control. I can make as many plans as I like for the future, but He will blow those plans out of the water - all I had to do was stop trying to control my life and give it up to Him. And with it He will do big things.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within
us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

As for: (b) being alone...I'm never alone. Partially it goes with the last answer - not being afraid of the future because God has it under control, but it's more than that. God truly is always with me. Like Isaiah 43. Like Psalm 27. I cried out last New Years to God and told Him that I couldn't do it all alone anymore...and He sent me Himself. Not right away - but just in time - a few weeks later. And the hole that was in my heart is gone. The fear of the future, the fear of never getting married or never having kids, is gone (or at least, it's severly depleated!) And every day, slowly...not perfectly, but slowly, I'm learning to rely entirely on Him. God provides everything we need.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell
God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will
experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His
peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

So there you go.
I'm afraid of the dark.
My name is Katie, and I'm afraid of the dark.
(Hi Katie)

I bet you can read into that all you like - physically, metaphorically, spiritually.

Maybe you can laugh at me because I've just said all these things about relying on God, not worrying, giving it all to Him - but somehow, the future seems a lot less scary than the present - when it's late at night, all my strength is gone, my emotions are jumpy, my imagination is creative, and it's a long walk down the dark hallway. I never turn around when I reach my bedroom. I close the door behind me and relax in the glow of my bedside lamp.

I guess that's one fear that I will have to take up with the Big Guy upstairs. Because God is bigger than the boogeyman, He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the boogeyman and He's watching out for you and me. But hey. As I said. Slowly learning to rely on Him. Knowing that He is bigger than anything than anything that the devil can throw at me.

This is one thing that is easier said than done.

to the best mom in the world

Happy Mother's Day, Mom :)

I'm sorry that I'm so far away.
I sent a card. It's on its way.
Blame the Kuwait mail if it's late
(but don't blame the fact that I sent it too late....)

Until then:


Thanks for being corny even when you're sick.


For being funny even when there's no wine.


For loving your grandkids with everything that you have in you.

For being you.

I can't wait to see you in 51 days!

Love, always, from far far away.

thought of the morning

Mark 12:29-30

Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

How often do I forget how to love God?

I must see new things and investigate them.
I want to taste dark water
and see crackling trees and wild winds.
– Egon Schiele

Promise me.

Back in November of 2005, a good friend of mine sent me an email regarding her parents' declining health and mental capabilities, after a recent visit she'd had back to her childhood home. She discussed their denial and difficulties and her frustration. She ended it with this:

oh my katie, you asked. let me not trouble you with more. i think some of how they are can be avoided by living healthy, authentically when you're young and middle-aged. not being afraid of what life hands you. believing that the truth will always set you free. eating well, exercising our little hearts out, laughing, loving big.

like you do.

you will not grow old that way, katie, if you keep being katie. promise me you won't let anyone dissuade you from optimism. promise me you'll practise moving. promise me you'll seek the truth."

It really encouraged me a few years ago, and I think it's always been in the back of my mind since then. I recently found it while searching through my computer for other files. I just thought that I would pass it on and share it with you.

promise me.

faithfulness

I tell you what.

I live in a Muslim country.

A country that censors its movies.

A country that closes down during the day for the entire month of Ramadan.

A country that has a mosque on every corner, broadcasting the call to prayer through loadspeakers many times a day.

I don't mind the modesty in dress. I don't mind not seeing unnecessary sex in movies at the theatre. I don't mind that it's a dry country. I like these things.

I teach in a Muslim school.

A school that censors all the books, movies, materials that it uses in the library.

A school that reads from the Qur'an twice a week at flag ceremony.

A school that requires all the students to study Islam every day.

I don't mind keeping the girls innocent for a little while longer. Childhood isn't long enough in North America anymore.

And I love my students. For all the drama, chatting, problems, gossip...they're an awesome group of girls.

But it kills me that they are trapped in a religion that only offers hope after death...and only if they happen to tip the scales in their favour with Allah. They are superstitious - "masha'Allah" (from God - to keep the evil eye away)..."insha'Allah" (God willing)..."al-hamd-il-l'Allah" (thanks be to God). They have learned that if they do everything right, they may get into heaven someday. Their entire faith is based on the fear of hell (which is written too many times in the Qur'an to have a place in the index...it would make it too long). It reminds me of old-school church, to be honest...fully without grace.

So I've been praying for God to give me opportunities to speak to the girls about God's love and grace. About His freedom in Christ. Heck. I've been praying that they will just get curious and want to read the Bible themselves, to seek the truth.

Last week, one of my students came to me and asked if I could talk to her AP English class today. She said that for their AP exam, they need to know how to find Biblical Allusions. She asked if I could come in and just tell Bible stories to the class. Of course I agreed! I thought about it all weekend. I prayed about it. I have to admit that I was still a little nervous entering the classroom at 11:30.

But that fear disappeared the second I sat on that stool at the front of the classroom. They asked me to start at the beginning! So we started with the Creation story. We covered many of the major stories in Genesis and Exodus, a little David and Goliath, and then we hit up the New Testament - talking of Jesus, his birth, teaching, accusation, death and resurrection - and even the Holy Trinity.

They. Were. Psyched. I don't think I've ever seen an entire class so excited to be learning...especially at this school! What a blessing they were. They were into every story. And I did recommend that they read Genesis and Exodus, Matthew and Luke before their exam. We'll see if any of them do! I taught three of them during 4th block in Art class - and they all came in, wanting to hear more stories.

It's a small thing, but it's something.

"Miss, how do you know all of these stories?"

Thanks, Mom and Dad. I'm forever grateful.

this is cause for dancing

Hallelujah, we've made it to May!
Where has the time gone?
We just handed out our report cards for the end of third quarter - but the funny thing is: we have all of 3 weeks of classes and 1 week of exams and the year is complete. Really, there are only 14 days of classes remaining. 7 days with each class. 10.5 hours. Not that I'm counting the hours. But I might also be counting the minutes...or is it the seconds?

Could we BE any more anxious to get out of here?

I suppose the real question is, could we BE any more anxious to start traveling again?
Every once in a while we stop and look and laugh at our crazy life here.

- we all live in one apartment building and hang out together. much like dorms at university. but the school provides them for us, free of charge.
- a bus comes in the morning, picks us up and takes us to school.
- a bus comes after school, picks us up and takes us home.
- we have week-long holidays several times a year.
- we travel. a lot. you get questioned if you aren't going somewhere during the next break.
- we live in the desert, but it looks like a city. and it is getting hotter by the day. when you walk outside, it's like a big, warm hug. it's nice until it becomes an overwhelming suffocating squeeze.
- we don't rely on bars and partying to have fun...but eating (and thus going to the gym) has become a central part of our week (Chilis Wednesdays! Indian Fridays! Take-out Tuesdays?).
- one of the other teachers and I hit up 2 church services and a Bible study per week. we only go to 2 because they are our favourites - we have the selection of many. many. many. How's that for a conservative muslim country?

In exactly 42 days, God willing, we'll be hanging out in Venice. We do have a thing for Italy. And then we sail away.
This is why I'm dancing.

God is great!