what scares me?

So I recently completed a "How well do you know Katie" quiz on Facebook. Yes, it's a little silly and trivial, but it's funny to see the answers. They are all hard questions and so far no one has managed to get higher than 60%.

Some are knowledge questions from my childhood, some are more inferential, some you would only know if you have known me well for the past 2 years, and apparently, some of them only I know!

But the question that shocked me the most - both in writing it and in seeing other peoples' answers, is the second last question:

9) What am I scared of?
a) The future
b) Being alone
c) The gook at the bottom of the sink
d) The dark
e) Flying

Well, if you know me at all, then you can automatically scratch (e) off the list. I LOVE flying. From the bottom of my heart to the colours of my spirit - flying is fun.

A while ago, (c) would have been another answer. But not any longer. In fact, I enjoy grossing out my students as I dig the gook out from the drain in the sink. It's funny to see their reaction.

I am no longer afraid of the future (a). If there's one thing that God has made crystal clear to me over the past 5 years, it's that He's got it all under control. I can make as many plans as I like for the future, but He will blow those plans out of the water - all I had to do was stop trying to control my life and give it up to Him. And with it He will do big things.

Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within
us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or imagine.
Ephesians 3:20

As for: (b) being alone...I'm never alone. Partially it goes with the last answer - not being afraid of the future because God has it under control, but it's more than that. God truly is always with me. Like Isaiah 43. Like Psalm 27. I cried out last New Years to God and told Him that I couldn't do it all alone anymore...and He sent me Himself. Not right away - but just in time - a few weeks later. And the hole that was in my heart is gone. The fear of the future, the fear of never getting married or never having kids, is gone (or at least, it's severly depleated!) And every day, slowly...not perfectly, but slowly, I'm learning to rely entirely on Him. God provides everything we need.

Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell
God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will
experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His
peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

So there you go.
I'm afraid of the dark.
My name is Katie, and I'm afraid of the dark.
(Hi Katie)

I bet you can read into that all you like - physically, metaphorically, spiritually.

Maybe you can laugh at me because I've just said all these things about relying on God, not worrying, giving it all to Him - but somehow, the future seems a lot less scary than the present - when it's late at night, all my strength is gone, my emotions are jumpy, my imagination is creative, and it's a long walk down the dark hallway. I never turn around when I reach my bedroom. I close the door behind me and relax in the glow of my bedside lamp.

I guess that's one fear that I will have to take up with the Big Guy upstairs. Because God is bigger than the boogeyman, He's bigger than Godzilla or the monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the boogeyman and He's watching out for you and me. But hey. As I said. Slowly learning to rely on Him. Knowing that He is bigger than anything than anything that the devil can throw at me.

This is one thing that is easier said than done.